Once again, I've gotten off the phone with my boyfriend wanting to throw it across the room, hoping for it to smash to bits. He was telling me a story, and I accidentally ruined it by making a comment about it during the middle of it. Well, he got really upset and wouldn't finish the story and then said he had to go. Once again I'm left feeling dejected and as if the stupid bickering we've been doing lately is my fault. Why am I always made to feel like its never anyone else's fault but mine anytime something happens like this between two people in a relationship? I even apologized as soon as it happened and that didn't help. And I think it takes a lot for a person to apologize, especially right after they've made someone upset and they themselves are upset as well. So he cut off the conversation and I hung up the phone. I always want to end our conversations feeling happy about being with him but twice in a week I'm left on the brink of tears and bubbling with anger. I don't enjoy this. Twice in a week I've called back minutes later to try to repair things because I don't want the rest of my evening ruined by feelings of sadness over getting upset with each other on the stupid phone. I even apologized again and asked if there was more to the story. He said there was but he didn't feel like telling me because it was a story he thought was funny but I ruined it. Well I'm fucking sorry I had NO IDEA THAT THE STORY WAS GOING MUCH FURTHER AND THAT MAKING A SIMPLE COMMENT ABOUT IT WOULD RUIN THE WHOLE GODDAMNED THING. Jesus Christ. I am sick of this feeling. I suffered it way too often in my last relationship. I am NOT always the cause of an upset. Things are NOT always my fault.

Because I can't be with him very often, talking to him on the phone and thinking good thoughts about him the rest of the time are all I've got to go on between the times that we do get to see each other this summer. Thanks for ruining yet another one of my evenings.